Our luck.

Sorry for the long delay in posting – I just couldn’t get my brain wrapped around anything else but our IVF cycle.

It didn’t work.

Well, that’s not strictly true. I had a few days of positive tests (even on mother’s day!), only to find out that my initial HCG (the measurable hormone of pregnancy) was way too low, and then today’s level was even lower. In technical terms it’s probably considered a chemical pregnancy; meaning that while home pregnancy tests and my blood-work showed it’s existence; it was over before it really got established. Luckily we have 3 frozen embryos from this cycle and today I got the go ahead to try a frozen embryo transfer immediately. FETs are much less hard on your body than a regular fresh IVF cycle because you don’t have to take ovarian stimulating hormones, you just have to get the timing of the transfer right and hope that your embryos survive the thawing process. Last year we got pregnant after an FET of embryos from our first IVF cycle in 2010 (that produced Lucy) but I lost that pregnancy ¬†– exactly a year ago today.

Kind of poetic timing. Or at least really sad.

I feel… okay I guess? Sad, definitely. Frustrated and a little confused – sort of worried that maybe we have something else going on with our embryos – maybe a genetic issue that’s arresting their development? Or perhaps an immune issue that hasn’t been uncovered? Chemical pregnancies and miscarriages happen all the time under normal circumstances (doctors estimate that 40-70 percent of pregnancies end before they are even detected) so they don’t necessarily indicate an unusual fertility problem, but I can’t help but wonder.

Thanks for all of your good wishes and positive vibes sent our way. It means so much to me and Pk to have support during this very trying process. I’m really glad that we can keep trying and have my fingers crossed that this next round ¬†will be successful for us. If I haven’t mentioned it before – knowing how lucky we are to have Lucy in our lives gives me a huge sense of gratitude and humility everyday. Every life is a miracle, and I’ll be squeezing her a little harder today.


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